Miss you Mom

A year ago this evening I lost you.  We had talked earlier in the day. All seemed well and in a few short hours the worst happened. 

I missed the calls for help from the family, partly because I was sleeping. Even 2 hours

away, I2 probably would not have been able to save you but I regret missing those calls.

The final years of your life, we didnt spend as much time together as we should have. It hurts me to think I was a part of the mental pain you were dealing with. 

I love you with all my heart.  I have so many memories as a child with you. Many were good but some not so much. Regardless,  you were always there for me to nurture and discipline when needed.

I tried my best to help when Dad passed but I could have done more. You always said I was a good son but I didnt feel like I did enough.

Now, I know you are in heaven and at peace. You had such a good soul and always wanted to help others.

I'm thankful that I inherited some good qualities from you and Dad and I just hope that I can be the person that I need to be to be lije you and do my best to be better. I want my family to have a good life and it starts with me being a father.

Life us tough but priorities need to be aligned and as difficult as it is at times, family comes first. 

I have not had the contact with some of the family that maybe I should have had in the past but I can only consider the future and do as best as I can each day.

Mom, I want you to know that I love you and miss you. I do everyday but especially today. I cant believe we lost you so young a year ago.

Father's Day 2021

As I get older, time with family has become extremely important to me.  As a father since the age of 17, it has always had special meaning but with age it seems to really hit the heart chords.

Maybe it's the experience and knowing that nothing stays the same and our babies wont stay young forever.

My baby is 21 now, not exactly a toddler anymore, and I am so overjoyed everytime I see him and have been over the moon that hes come to visit,  stayed overnight,  and went on a few trips with us.

My 16 year old lives with his mom and I havent seen him in a while. Hes doing okay which is my 1st concern but i really hope i will see him again soon.

The others are all still at home, the oldest being 11.  I know I have a few years with them but that goes so fast.

When we're a kid, our parents tell us that time doesn't stand still but we dont believe it. Now that we're adults,  we know what they mean.

Speaking of parents and Fathers Day, I really miss mine but i know hes doing better than he let on during his final years here on Earth. I learned so much from him, even emwhen i didnt take his advice.  And i know sime of the personal traits and characteristics I have taken on, i learned from him.

So I'll be forever grateful for my own father and I hope that my kids will look up to me in the future and know I did my best. I'm learning from them everyday and I'm so glad I could spend quality time with the kiddos on this Father's Day 2021.

Its Day 2

It's day two and time to see how you're doing on the goals that you set for this New Year. 

 Hopefully you've stayed focused and determined it working towards a new laws. But if you didnt stay focused or got discouraged because of something that happened it's OK.

There will be days when you are gonna feel like it's not worth it and there will be days when you get discouraged and feel like giving up because your efforts aren't getting the results you looking for.

 Get some rest and remember what your in game is. The future will only change if you change your actions so remain positive and upbeat about the difference that you're going to make and what things will look like once the change is complete.

 Tomorrow's a new day and remember Rome wasn't built in a day so let's get to it!

It's A New Year, Let's Go !

After a 2020 that was filled with a deadly virus that rocked the globe and is still affecting millions, an uprising against inequality,  and so many other issues that has most of us looking for hope, we turn the calendar page to 2021.

While it is a new year, we must remember that in order to see change, we must stay focused and remember what we are fighting for. 

Whether it's one of the global issues mentioned or something more personal,  motivation to make a difference and discipline to stay the course is necessary. 

I have personal, professional, physical, and spiritual goals I've established for myself in order to help those around me and I spent a few days last week remembering the accomplishments made in 2020. It wasn't a completely bad year and I feel good about the progress made but know theres work to be done.

Periodically,  its important to stop and smell the roses but for me now it's time to get the work.

I'm ready to make this the best year ever. Stay motivated and disciplined as you focus on your goals and together we are in for a great year!

Reflection

As the 2020 year comes to a close and we are abreast of 2021, I have done some reflecting of not only the past year, but in general. Life is hard and things don't always come easy. The more you want from life, the harder it can be. Oftentimes, we focus so much on the end result and what we want for ourselves, our families, our friends, and other things that are important to us that we often do not take time to look back to see how we have grown. With age, I have began to look at things a bit differently in my outlook. From a young age, there have been influential people in my life. Some of those influences were great and others were not. For better and worse, my life as a child shaped my habits, my self image, my thoughts of society, and so many other things that I can create an entire list of but you get the point. It wasn't until about six years ago, that I found an influence of positivity in all areas of my life. That influence didn't change me immediately but it helped me to gain perspective and start to look at the overall picture of life in terms of faith, family, and self-awareness. During the course of my life, I have done some things that I am very proud of and some things that I am not so proud of. The difference for me particularly over the last couple of years is that I have learned to forgive and not hold onto negative emotion. This is something that has been especially difficult at times such as when my mother passed away this year. Through faith, I've learned to hold onto the positive, learn from the negative, and let go of those things and not be dragged down. While I know that I still have many things to learn and do better, I also know that I have progressed in many areas of my life. Spiritually I have truly began to believe. I always have but now is at a different level where there is focus and intention. I'm still a beginner in this area but I'm not ashamed to say I follow spirituality and I'm also not ashamed to say I am far from knowing a lot of things when it comes to The Good Book and discipleship. As a result and with the continuing influence that I mentioned earlier, I have became more confident in myself and my abilities. I've also paid more attention to the things I am not so good at and do not view them negatively but rather now look for ways to improve or seek help from others. Physically, I am far from perfect but I am much more confident in my own self image and am extremely proud of the results I have had. I believe the same goes for me as a parent. Much less than before, I don't always try to be perfect but do make sure I give time that is undistracted because I realize the effect I can have, positively or negatively. For those that know me, I strive for results. I don't like to lose and I don't give a less than best effort. At times, I stretch myself thin by involving myself in many different things. The reason I say this is because as I have evolved, my efforts and work ethic are still at a high level in my opinion, but the change of perspective for me has allowed me to grow as a person. My point of all this is that by looking only at the end result, you can miss the fun but also miss the progress see the improvements in your life. Always wanting to be better is a great thing but don't forget to stop and smell the roses occasionally.

Let it go

There's no need to ponder, meditate, or contemplate the past. What's done is done, learn from it and move forward. 

Thinking about what would, should, or could have happened is a waste of time and a destroyer of the mind. 

The actions cannot and will not change. What led to those actions and the immediate results will not change.

What can change is the future,  learn to self-control, speak your mind, act logically, or whatever it is that spurred you in the past.

Self-reflection is a good thing and looking back is okay if we learn lessons but not if we beat ourselves up.  Life is a lesson that our creator is teaching. It's no accident that you are here and the past has occurred the way it has. 

Learn from the greatest teacher of all and pass that wisdom and faith on to another who needs it just the same.

Be Thankful

There are many things that happen in this lifetime. From the time we have our first breath until our last, there is a constant chain of events that occurs which we have little control of. 

At times, we think we do. At times we think if we do, say, or act a certain way that we can control the outcome of the given situation. 

At other times, we feel like we have no control.  We think that no matter what we do, say, or how we act that we arent going to be able to determine the outcome.

In most cases, that's true. However, it's not because of what we might think in the moment.  Its because the outcomes are predetermined.  The chain of events in our lives occur in the order they do for a reason. 

We dont see this at the moment we are going through it but we do afterwards in reflection. 

What we can control is making sure we do our part no matter what is happening.  To give our best effort all the time.

We'll either thrive or learn from the experience so we can thrive later.

Be thankful for the gift of life. Be thankful for our opportunities and remember whether positive or negative, we cant control the outcome but we can control our actions